“This newsletter serves a demographic of highly intelligent readers, deep thinkers, life hackers, preppers, entrepreneurs, and survivalists. I especially focus on those with a passion for ideas, critical thinking, strategic game theory, and a desire to understand the world around them. Readers of my posts are usually tired of being patronized elsewhere by fact-less, opinionated know-nothings, misinformation, conspiracy theories, and fake news.
“Knowledge is power, wisdom brings meaning, contentment, and happiness!”
The Life Strategies Playbook & Mentoring Program is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. (Sign up for free at the end of this newsletter)
The Life Strategies Playbook & Mentoring Program is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
The Life Strategies Playbook & Mentoring Program is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
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A 4 - Minute Read
In the study of power and influence, the question is often asked, “Is it better to be loved or feared?
I like to answer that question with “Where there is love there is no fear.”
In life, we like to be admired, popular, and even loved. This helps us to create fellowship.
Those with self-awareness know that sustainable fellowship comes from love, not fear.
What we generally call popularity is how much a person is accorded status by other people. There are many different reasons why people are loved. On the most basic level, it is due to many factors including interpersonal attraction and reciprocal liking — mutual admiration.
People are sometimes loved due to social status, dominance, superiority, and similar factors. For example, a kind person may be considered loveable and therefore more popular than another person, and a wealthy person may be considered superior and therefore more popular than another person.
“We each appear to hold within ourselves a range of divergent views as to our native qualities…And amid such uncertainty, we typically turn to the wider world to settle the question of our significance… we seem beholden to affections of others to endure ourselves.”
― Alain de Botton, Status Anxiety
Being that the factors that influence a person’s status, and likeability can be measured and influenced, one of the greatest tools for achieving this is Game Theory This is an umbrella term for thousands of life strategies including those related to status, power, influence, business, politics, competition, sports, romance, and even interactions with non-human players such as computers, animals, and plants.
Most of the life games we play games combine Multiple Intelligence Theory, as well as logical and intuitive strategies. In the end, the goal here is to maximize love, joy, freedom, spiritual intention, community, clarity of thought, emotional balance, personal contentment, inner wisdom, and happiness.
In the game of life, whether we are loved or feared we need to create an environment where everyone gets to win. That is the nature of fellowship.
Gamer-based strategies concerning status and likeability usually focus on two primary types of love and interpersonal popularity in social environments
1. Perceived: This can be measured by asking people who are the most popular or socially important people in their social circle.
2. Sociometric: This can be determined by objectively measuring the number of connections a person has to others in the group. A person can have high-perceived popularity without having high sociometric popularity, and vice versa.
Those who are most loved seem to be in the middle point of a group while also having an influence on it.
The term popularity is borrowed from the Latin term popularis, which originally meant “common.” The current definition of the word popular, the “fact or condition of being well-liked by the people”, was first seen in 1601.
Popularity or group love towards an individual is an inherently social phenomenon which is why it can only be understood in the context of groups of people. Popularity is a collective perception, and individuals report the consensus of a group’s feelings towards an individual or object when rating popularity. It takes a group of people to like something, so the more that people advocate for something or claim that someone is best liked the more attention it will get, and the more popular it will be deemed.
Here are 7 key factors/tactics which can lead to natural popularity, and people feeling love towards a person…
1. Be kind, and considerate of others. …
2. Don’t fake who you are. Be authentic…
3. Have a big Heart. …
4. Don’t praise yourself in front of others. Do what you do as best as you can….
5. Make others laugh, smile, and feel good about themselves.
6. Have a code of behaving in ways that are ethical, and compassionate (Follow your ideals quietly).
7. Learn how to serve others in ways that you can predict they will appreciate.
What all of these tips point to, is that the best way to be loved is to be liked. People enjoy being around others who are friendly, good listeners, positive, trustworthy, and attentive. These are all productive personality traits. There is nothing wrong with strategizing these things if your intentions are good, you are emotionally healthy, mentally clear, and spiritually motivated. Whether a game-based strategy is appropriate or not is tied to your end game and your intention
Some people are “loved” for superficial reasons, such as physical attractiveness or wealth. This kind of love and admiration may not last. Of course, we can’t all be beautiful, handsome, or wealthy.
Here are another 7 tips on how to get people to love you.
1. Offer help to others. When you do this with generosity, they will see where you are good at what you do and can do things that others can’t.There’s a risk involved here.It is easy to notice when someone is being helpful out of “desperate neediness” This is not a good thing.
2.Make yourself the center of your social circle by weaving the web that connects everyone else. Organize social outings or a pot-luck party, and then invite a new person who hasn’t met everyone in the group yet. We all appreciate the opportunity to meet new people and appreciate the person who makes that happen.
3.Be kind but don’t be a pushover for bullies or backstabbers. People who are afraid of conflict may be seen as “nice” but they are seldom loved. Never confuse kindness with a phony harmful passivity that comes from a fear of conflict. Those who are loved tend to have an ethical and moral code and a sense of what will do the most good for the most people. Genuinely nice people listen. People want to spend time with people who care about them, and this empathy and concern are key to being a popular person. Listening to the things people share with you and paying attention to them are critical components of being genuinely nice.
4.Be easygoing. This means being positive and making it enjoyable to spend time with you. Most importantly don’t be a complainer about the small stuff. Constant petty negativity will make it difficult for others to enjoy spending time with you.
5.Ask others for help in small ways. We all want to help others if we do we don’t want to be overwhelmed with someone else’s drama. Sharing your problems with others is a positive thing, and makes you seem vulnerable approachable and very human. Still, yet you need to pick the right time and place to have these serious discussions.
6. Humor. As mentioned earlier, making people smile or even laugh, and not being overly sensitive or easily offended at jokes that are edgy but not racist, sexist, etc., will put others at ease.
7. Be creative with your ideas. People like others willing to try new things and pull away from people who insist on doing the same thing and following the same routines consistently.
The Takeaway
The most effective, efficient, and productive HAGT strategy to get others to love you is to consistently improve your social skills in groups and serve others. By creating value for others, and doing this with your self-confidence, and an ability to connect with someone on a personal level.
A Final Thought.
Humans are social animals. We all are seeking love, and also searching for ways to connect. This is so both n our personal and professional lives. For those who understand the role, commerce plays in how we connect it is important to understand what people find valuable today. In HAGT (Harrison’s Applied Game Theory) a sociological system for predicting how a person will choose one thing over another it is important to understand and how they decide what’s worth paying for. The Medium story below explore this issue in-depth.
.….and remember, life is not a dress rehearsal!
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Author: Hey there. My name is Lewis Harrison, and I am a transformational coach, teacher, and prepper. I am a proponent of entrepreneurism and also a writer and seminar leader. The author of over twenty books, and numerous self-improvement, business success, and personal development courses, I am the former host of a talk show on NPR Affiliated WIOX91.3 FM.
“I believe to be more effective, efficient, precise, productive, successful, and more self-aware we need a coach or mentor. I have always had coaches and mentors, usually more than one. If you are ready, willing, and able to give up your unnecessary struggle, consider contacting me about becoming your coach-mentor. We can begin with a fifteen-minute call to see what your needs and challenges are and how I can help you address them”.
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The Course
On Monday, December 5, I will be offering a beginner’s 5-day course on How to Win the Game of Life through Strategic Thinking. I will tell you more about the course over the next few weeks.
Day 1, of the course explores how to see life as a game that can be won! What is the playing field, what are the rules, who are the other players”, etc.
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I can be contacted directly about the course, business and life coaching, and more advanced training in how to win the game of life, at LewisCoaches@gmail.com
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The Life Strategies Playbook & Mentoring Program is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
