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A 3 - Minute Read
It can be really tough living with a control freak unless you know how to deal with that personality trait.
The term “control freak” usually describes a person with an obsession with getting things done a certain way. Such an individual often becomes distressed when someone causes a deviation in the way they prefer to do things.
Control freak can also describe a person who tries to make others do things the way that they want, even if the other people prefer to do it another way, and even if the initial person has no good reason for interfering.
There is a thin line between a confident leader and decision-maker and a control freak. A confident leader and decision-maker does what needs to be done, and motivates and inspires others to follow their lead.
On the other hand, control freaks tend and seem to have a psychologically dysfunctional need to be in charge of things and people - even circumstances that cannot be controlled. The need for control, in extreme cases, stems from deeper psychological issues such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anxiety disorders, or personality disorders.
Control freaks are often perfectionists. They may manipulate or pressure others to change so as to avoid having to change themselves.
Control freaks sometimes have similarities to codependents, in the sense that the latter's fear of abandonment leads to attempts to control those they are dependent on.
Here are some thoughts and solutions on how to effectively deal with a control freak.
All relationships will usually have one partner that is usually dominant. Someone who needs to be in control of an environment in order to feel emotionally secure.
This may simply be a personality trait, but it can also be the result of someone's unresolved childhood emotional issues.
This can be somebody who felt that they were out of control, or were ordered about when they were young. I have seen this commonly among people who grew up in the Soviet Union or under dictatorial regimes.
The question we must ask ourselves in relationships where our partner exhibits these dominant-control traits is why not just surrender? This isn’t about what we like or don’t like. It’s about taking care of our own needs and then surrendering what we think we want but don’t really need. If there is a controlling person in a relationship who generally makes acceptable or sensible choices with collaboration why not go with the flow if that is possible?
For some people, this is not easy to do. Thus, we end up with one controlling person and another person resisting them. This usually leads to bad feelings, disharmony, and an unhappy relationship.
I tell people who have chosen a partner who is dominant and controlling to just smile, nod in the affirmative and do whatever they are told.
The Takeaway
If a person really wants harmony and is committed to the success of a relationship the process described here is often the easiest path. There may not be much room for compromise with a control freak.
If you would like to avoid unnecessary struggle in your relationship you may simply decide to do what your partner insists upon. It is not a sign of weakness on your part, It may be wise.
If you want oatmeal for breakfast and your mate decides your having pasta for breakfast, will probably find you'll have much less grief, and much less emotional difficulty, and you'll generally be happier if you just eat the past.
You surely can do what you would need when it comes to taking care of yourself but in general, things where your mate seems to have a need to be in control, just go with it.
This is very difficult for many men or those with a more expansive “yang” personality since these types tend to be more territorial than those with a more “yin” or contractile personality. Yang people don't like being told what to do. Many men that I know are like that, but, the ones that are happiest often just surrender, not resign, but surrender to the will of their more controlling partner.
Remember it’s not personal; learn to take care of yourself and your needs, and make your own life easier by doing what needs to be done.
Please think about the suggestions I am making here. They are not necessarily right nor necessarily the best, but I know that they work for a lot of people and a lot of marital situations.
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The Author: Hello, My name is Lewis Harrison and I am a mentor, success coach, and strategist.
I created a Life Strategies Playbook and Mentoring Method. I use this system to move individuals and organizations to the next level. Applied game theory (which has won numerous Nobel Prizes) has been the basis of all my great successes in life (best-selling author, NPR Host, a great marriage, financial success, great friendships, etc.). Please reach out to me. I want to help you transcend your challenges by helping you to get clear on your intention, and your desired outcome by increasing effectiveness, efficiency, precision, productivity, accuracy, and self-awareness. Send me an email at LewisCoaches@gmail.com and let’s start a conversation…I also have a self-improvement group on Facebook. Please join us at https://www.facebook.com/groups/455029215769173/about/
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